i like mondays.

spent the morning in bed, as always. went to lunch and sunbathed outside the stannary for a while, then went to seminar. after’s hannah’s presentation we convinced tori to take seminar outside into tremough gardens, which was so lovely. 23 degree sun, cigarettes, melting chocolate and the smell of grass = heavenly. afterwards a ton of us ended up chilling in the gardens - jack brought his guitar and serenaded us, and the other seminar group with various songs, including an acoustic slap version of ‘my humps’ which was kind of beautiful. chucked around an american football ball (that sounds weird) with jack, roland, holly and holly’s friend ben for a while which was slightly difficult at first due to tiny hands but then i dominated that shit. sort of. there were also some very cute american chaps who wandered past us twice because they were ‘lost’, but probably because of the scantily clad nature of the female contingent present. went home, said bye to the lads and then lay in bed for another five minutes to soak up the scent of tobacco and chanel no.5. i’m sitting in my living room now watching tv and eating breakfast, and i already miss the flat.

it’s a beautiful day, so i will go outside and do outdoorsy things soon. i ought to start packing as i leave tomorrow night, but for now i will just lie in bed, listening to the beatles and enjoying the slight breeze that wanders in through the window.

this disheartens and saddens me. i’ll have to find a new tv show to glue myself to, bah. went to the beach today after lecture and went for a dip twice, which was quite refreshing/cold/fun, although i have realised that i really ought to purchase a new bikini as mine has become slightly too big and will expose me if i am slammed by waves, as i was today… today was a day of bad bad food but it’s okay because it was just a day. bacon, eggs, toast, beans and mashed potato at lunch, then mussels and chorizo in cream with fries and salad before lecture, then got fish and chips after the beach. fat day. lying in bed now doing a puzzle book and attempting to find a link for prison break episodes. 

i need real food and i’m too broke to afford any so i’m living on noodles and rationing out my remaining bacon and eggos. waiting for my dad’s cheque to get to me in the post just so i can buy some goddamn groceries. and i am having sushi cravings. and fried crab cravings. and bath cravings. and poolside beer cravings. so hungry, so tired, and so ready to go to hong kong it’s not even a joke.

and hoping that today’s glorious weather will stick around for tomorrow, being that i’ve spent all day hungover in bed, or in the library with this motherfuckin’ essay. although i have gone from 0 words to 1175 in about five hours so that’s not too bad; i just want to lie on the beach all day with ice tea and cigarettes. also i need to cheer the fuck up; i have spent the last two weeks reading about nothing but death. i’m exhausted but i’m staying in the library until i’ve finished this essay, because i refuse to let it stress me out for another day. plus one of the books i’ve been using has been requested by someone, so i figure i should return it asap because i feel like an bitch for holding on to it. i think i will take a smoke break when i get to 1300 words or so, because i feel like 1200 is too easy. i have issues with the roundness of numbers when it comes to targets. for once, anyway, i’m aiming for 1800 instead of 2200; i normally write way over and it’s painful to cut it down to the limit. this way i can write my argument out to 1800, and then if i think of stuff later on i can still put it in. going to put tom petty on full blast and write another 125 words before tobacco timee

knitting, eating reese’s peanut butter cups and playing piperoll. morgan freeman is glorious as always, and brad pitt is still rough enough to be sexy. also, as a result of last night’s conversation with george i am a jagerbomb and she is a cosmopolitan. 

finally managed to sort out the situation between jon and i yesterday; he messaged me with an explanation, i messaged back. i think i had a ‘crush’ on him, and now it’s nearly faded out; i would’ve stopped contacting him but i like to know where i stand with people before i cut things off. if we continue to see each other after easter, i’m okay with that. and if we don’t, i’m okay with that too.

i think that for me, jon was halfway between ranja and a relationship. i didn’t want a relationship - i couldn’t have a relationship - but i didn’t want to just hit it and quit it, so to speak. i like really stupid shit like just sleeping with someone until morning, but then i love morning sex. i like watching tim minchin youtube clips in bed with wine, but i also liked it when you made me scream. i love love love kissing more than i can describe but quite frankly i like fucking you too much to ever think about relationships.

depending on how this goes i will have to find some-one to fill this gap in my life, so applicants for the position of my non-boyfriend should message me. i need fantastic sex + late night chats + stupid internet shit + kissing. and i do not need to be ‘your girlfriend’. just don’t ever call me your fuck buddy and we’re good. and if you have stupid white boy messy hair i might just swoon.